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“I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me and say because of you I didn’t give up”

This is one of my favourite quotes. Ever. I have been
reading about the law of attraction, practicing gratitude and trying to
appreciate all that I have been blessed with (even the teen and toddler
tantrums – aren’t I so lucky to have been blessed with such spirited independent
determined children she says through gritted teeth!) and it really is the
little things that make life good. More than good, amazing in fact. I last
blogged about getting into a routine and becoming super productive before my
new little man arrives. I am getting more productive but not by way of routine!
Sometimes life doesn’t work out that way and you have to embrace change and
just roll with it. I am rolling with it big time. My personal life, my marriage
in particular, has been the biggest challenge of all lately. And the hardest
decision we’ve ever made has worked out to probably be one of the best. My
husband moved out a few weeks ago. I still love him, he still loves me. But we
have reached an impasse and instead of plodding on regardless destroying each
other in the process we jointly decided to stop, to take a break, have some
space and get our individual selves back on track. Without the stress and
pressure of the almost constant arguing, we are both happier, we are both more
focussed and driven. We are both determined to make the most of the quality time
we spend together with the kids. And it’s working, I have my friend and
confidante back not just someone who annoys the hell out of me, kills my
positivity and leaves dirty washing randomly about the house! So since he has
moved out once the kids are in bed I have my (albeit late!) evenings to myself
to work! Hence I am more productive! I wrote down my ultimate to do list and
have spent the last 3 evenings slowly chipping away at it and I am starting to
see progress. And loving the snowball effect, I am feeling the benefit of
ticking jobs off that have been there for some time and clearing the long time
blockages from my journey & my eternal quest for productivity!

So the routine bit hasn’t worked out quite yet, but we are
only 3 days into the summer holidays there’s time yet! They have been 3
particularly fraught days as well – I have been suffering with my hips and a
baby that appears to enjoying putting particular pressure on my right one so
negotiating the toddler, a heat pack and paracetamol in humid weather whilst
not sleeping great hasn’t had me in the best fettle. And when the pre-teen
outstayed his curfew by 3.5 hours on Monday – yes you read that right THREE AND
A HALF HOURS – I was about ready to run or rather waddle away! Parenting is a never-ending
constantly changing challenge of all challenges and after a very emotional end
of primary school last week has been the ultimate rollercoaster just lately! I
read a very amusing article earlier though about childrens bedtime routines and
it kind of put things into perspective a bit. They are not children for very
long. I can testify that I do not honestly know where the last 12 years have
gone, I feel like I have blinked and suddenly we are about to start high
school, but it seems it was only yesterday he was clinging onto my leg and
sobbing at not wanting to go to nursery! In fact it seems only yesterday that I
was starting high school! How can I now have a child about to embark on that
journey?! I want to enjoy my children, I want them to enjoy their childhoods. I
want them to grow up & want to be the kind of parent that I am if that
makes sense. I want them to be inspired. I want their days to be filled with
magic and wonder, optimism and positivity. I want them to aim big and dream
bigger. So I am not putting pressure on the routine, I choose to have extra
cuddles, I choose to sleep with a toddler leg strewn across my face because
that means that in the morning I get the snoozy snuggles and before long she
won’t want snoozy snuggles. When the pre-teen left for his school residential
trip without so much as a bye never mind a hug or a kiss I wish I had hugged
him that little bit tighter before we set off for school. I chose to embark on
my self-employment mission to spend more time with them, to be present, to teach
them & show them that commitment, hard work & dedication for a greater
goal pays off. So I better had hadn’t I! I’m sure we’ll get there, eventually!